Miriel, the Pastor of royally rummy Vows, otherwise known as that one turtle dog everyone wants to pet from , has been . My sudden, all-consuming urge to crush it with both hands might be the first time I've felt anything violent towards this guy.
If you've not played Elden Ring, Miriel is a big turtle in a pope hat that hangs out at the Church of Vows, able to absolve your sins and supply rummy 365 you with faith magic. If you have played Elden Ring and you haven't found him, , because you should.
The description, punctuated entirely with exclamation points, promises that the plushie is "9 inches tall", "packed to rummy 51 the seams with 100% PP cotton", and "absolutely perfect for cuddling". I do sort of think it looks like a standard turtle plushie design with a pope hat stapled to it, but Miriel's in-game equivalent is just a literal turtle with a hat, so it's fitting.
The turtle pope plushie only ships to the United States and Canada, which fills my UK heart with an incandescent rage and a bottomless sorrow, and will run you $29.99 USD. There are also a couple of less cuddly Elden Ring items available, such as a statue of Iron First Alexander or Melina, but do either really hold a candle to turtle pope? I think not.